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Mistakes to Avoid When Messaging Someone Online

Posted on 06/13/2007 in Dating Tips by Matt

Thanks to Taloan for contributing this list of mistakes to avoid when messaging someone online.  Her tone is a bit cynical, but I think she speaks from experience  :)


  1. Simply writing:  “ur hot”-  Compliments are great when included in a letter, but when the compliment is the letter there is definitely something lacking.  If a girl is attractive she’s probably heard it all before, so think up something original to add, not something that’s going to bore and most likely annoy her.
  2. Poor Spelling-   Your spelling doesn’t have to be perfect, but at least spell out the whole word.  I don’t want to spend half an hour trying to figure out that ‘roflshiuom’ stands for ‘rolling on the floor laughing so hard I urinate on myself’.
  3. Punctuation- There is nothing quite like receiving a three page run-on sentence to make me decide someone is an idiot.  It takes a mere second to add a period to a sentence, but it makes all the difference in the world to the clarity of your letter.  They are there for a reason, use them! On the other hand, don’t go too far in the opposite direction.  A dozen miscellaneous punctuation at the end of a sentence isn’t going to add any more emphasis to what you are saying.
  4. Getting too personal too fast-  I know all about myself, I don’t need a letter restating what I’ve already said in my profile and telling me how wonderful it all is.  Tell me about yourself, make it interesting!  You need to convince me that you are the kind of person I would want to write back to and you’re not going to do that without actually sharing some personal information.  Just remember though, there is such a thing as too personal!
  5. Talking about sensitive subjects - Religion is a touchy subject, and, along with numerous other controversial topics, is not something you want to bring up in a first meeting.  Even if my profile says I’m a Christian that doesn’t mean I want to receive a letter telling me Jesus loves me.  I may have joined this site looking for love, but that was not what I had in mind.
  6. Trying to get a response out of pity- When someone writes to me pouring out their tale of woe without even the benefit of a first meeting it doesn’t make me feel sorry for them, it makes me wonder what’s wrong with them.  If you send me a letter telling me how you have no family or friends, you lost your job and are now homeless and had to resort to eating your dog I’m just going to wonder what you are doing on the internet in the first place.
  7. Propositioning for sex-  Unless I specifically state on my profile that is exactly what I am looking for, a letter suggesting an “intimate encounter” is only going to offend me.
  8. Reading too much into my profile-  Don’t try and analyze my profile.  Profiles do not do justice to a person’s personality, people are far too complex to be summarized in a small blurb.  When I get a letter from someone claiming to be my soul mate from what they’ve learned about me in a one paragraph profile it simply leads me to believe they are a very shallow person.
  9. Claiming to be the perfect guy-   I want to decide for myself whether someone is the perfect guy for me,  being told by him that he is simply isn’t good enough.  You can’t force feelings on someone.  As much as you may feel its true they’re going to decide that for themselves and there is nothing you can say that can convince them otherwise.
  10. You obviously didn’t read my profile -  Nothing is more annoying than receiving a letter filled with questions I’ve already answered in my profile.  If you have an honest interest in getting to know me, read what I wrote down.  Its there for a reason and may prompt some genuine questions about what I’ve said.


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  • Chiclet wrote on 06/16/2008
    I could not have said it better myself!!!!!!! Thank you!!!! Now maybe I won't have to repeat myself. Ha Ha!
  • cubana1225 wrote on 07/02/2008
    True, You read my mind.
  • teacherw3boys wrote on 07/08/2008
    It should be a requirement to read this before joining this website. It would point many in the right direction rather than me pointing my mouse straight to the block button or delete.
  • somewhatshy2 wrote on 07/11/2008
    Now if only people would read this and pay attention when the message someone....thanks for sharing this
  • LouLou2 wrote on 07/11/2008 you think folks will pay attention to this??? Hope so!
  • BoulderMountainGal wrote on 07/20/2008
    I have noticed and/or experienced all of these things. I guess men are more visual creatures than I thought. When they don't read my profile why bother to write on? Spell check should be on every screen. And the new acronyms are a real hoot. The youngsters have to tell me what they are. Good Luck everyone!!!!
  • aveatquevale wrote on 07/27/2008
    I def hate it when people have poor grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
  • constancewrites wrote on 07/30/2008
    I agree with all of this except... the getting too personal too fast/talking about sensitive subjects. Personally, I'm completely open, and if they ask, I tell, right off, no filtering my answers. Why? I figure it's going to come up eventually, and we may as well find out now. That way, if we are too different, I can move on. It's a big world. I'm looking for the RIGHT one, not the one I can hold onto for a short time right now.
  • ladywriter501 wrote on 09/01/2008
    Oh, how right you are! If I say that I'm a Christian in my profile all I attract are those trying to "convert" me, when in actuality my beliefs are BASED on christianity, not that I'm a religious sort of person. Another rule of thumb is: "You can't change someone." I want a man with a mind of his own, and who knows I have one too. It doesn't seem too much to ask, but I guess maybe it is for all of the "Mr. Wrongs" I'm attracting. Hmmm....
  • Zenobia wrote on 09/03/2008
    I totally agree with everything except the part about not telling so much. I don't think you have to bombard anyone with all of the worst things in your life, but then...I am over fifty and like to cut to the chase. As for Christianity, I am a practicing Christian and I see that many others on this site are the same. Why try to get with a non-Christian man and spring it on him later that I am not an intimate encounter, etc. I am enjoying the people I am meeting here. Its a great site and great post about dating. Also, the spelling factor. Good grief! You would think people who are adults would have learned to spell. Also, we are not texting here. Full sentences apply.
  • duckiegiggles wrote on 09/04/2008
    well said but everyone does make a few spelling errors here and there once in awhile and you forgot one "it looks like we have a lot in commom message me back" but yet they dont say what and theres nothing really on their profile and it sounds like a demand