awwww, how sweet! the I love myself part, but I would prefer loving someone else!

It is a true story, unfortunally. How stupid can one be?

Everyone knows you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
But here's a new one, made especially for one Victor Rodriguez of Bridgeport, Connecticut : You can't teach a pet snake any tricks at all, no matter how old it is. Idiot.
You see, Rodriguez is the proud owner of a 9-foot python.

One night, he was threatening his girlfriend with said reptile, and the police were called.
That's when things got ... well ... stupid.
Instead of running away or oh, I don't know, surrendering, Rodriguez stayed put and ordered his slithery sidekick to attack police.
Sadly, Rodriguez did not pay attention in Biology. For one thing, snakes to not have ears.
For another, it's a snake, for Pete's sake. Seriously.
Police Lt. James Viadero said when the police entered the apartment, Rodriguez told the snake to "get them!"
It didn't.
Both Rodriguez and his snake were taken away -- Rodriguez to the can, the snake to animal control.

yeah!

no long distance for me.

Here are three dresses that are pretty, yet sexy and attractive.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!


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I believe is almost impossible, no matter what anyone says. We carry "experiences" from previous relationships that had thought us distrust, pain, etc.,

Were we married to the same guy?

I'm with you......

I'd Rather -Luther Vandross

oh baby, we like it like that!

Welcome! I am also from Houston!!!

nope

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'

The clerk says, 'What denomination?' The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

He never heard the shot....

SMART a$$ ANSWER #6 –
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.’ What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied'
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SMART a$$ ANSWER #5 –
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
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SMART a$$ ANSWER #4 –
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big
enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
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SMART a$$ ANSWER #3 –
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.

The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as
fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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SMART a$$ ANSWER #2 –
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge Ahead.' before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'

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SMART a$$ ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 –
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.'
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I WANNA GO TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24-28?

Male 45-53